As parents, we’ve all been in situations where our child is terrified of something and we want to try to help our child to get over the fear so he/she can enjoy an activity. And as a specialist in anxiety, I can say that facing one’s fears is the best way to go, but there are ways to do it that make the experience less scary and avoid pushing the child over the edge (both literally and figuratively). Below are way to help your toddler through those fears.
Some of the things that children can get scared of are:
- darkness
- being alone
- doctors
- injections
- masks or costumes
All these things are harmless. But only to the adults.
Children are not grown-ups looking at the same old world. Nothing is routine to them.
Here are 10 things you can do to help children face what they’re scared of:
1. Acknowledge their fears.
Don’t ever dismiss anything with words like: “There’s nothing to be scared of!” Or, “It’s nothing!”
Tell them that you understand that something is bothering them. Once they know that you empathize, they’ll open up to you.
Running away from fears, avoiding things that one is scared of, or denying the existence of fear – none of these things help in overcoming fear.
2. Share positive experiences.
Even after the things they’re scared of are removed, children continue to feel scared.
Talk to them about the good things that have happened to them and to the family as a whole.
3. Encourage your child for being brave.
The best way to help a child to face his/her fears is to provide encouragement. Tell the child that the child can be brave and give examples of brave characters in the child’s favorite books, tv shows, and
All kinds of fairy tales, mythological stories and folk tales have examples of characters who acted courageously.
If you can’t think of one on the spot, make up one. You can borrow examples from movies and TV series too. Examples from such popular stories help children understand that fear is not something that’s happening to them alone.
4. Slowly engage them in conversations about fear.
If they’re scared of masks and mascots, think of how to get to talk to them about it. Assuming you know what they’re scared of, for sure.
In some cases, it takes a long time to figure out what the child is scared of.
5. Discuss about fear and its effects and how to overcome it.
From the specific situation they’re scared of, move on to the idea of fear itself. Talk to them about fear is. Not just about the thing they are scared of.
The advantage is that they’ll start thinking about applying what they learn to other areas of life. If they’re scared of something at home, learning about overcoming it can help them be less scared for something at school.
6. Turn negative situations into happy possibilities.
Fear is a negative experience. Turn the things they’re scared of into something positive if you can.
For example, children are generally scared of vaccinations. Talk to them about the vaccine turning them into superheroes like Hulk or Spiderman. Children will think less about the injection and more about becoming strong.
7. Help children anticipate the situation they’re scared of.
Children, like grown-ups, are less likely to be scared of what they know and what they’re already familiar with.
Talking to children about the eyedrops you’re going to put in their eyes will help them understand what exactly will be happening.
Tell them what you’re going to do and how you’re going to do it. They’ll be less scared this way.
Fear is a normal emotion. No parents can wish it away. But they can definitely make a tremendous difference in helping children cope with fear.
8. Patience and persistence are key.
Today may not be the day when the child gets a shot at the doctors. That’s okay. But maybe tomorrow is that day…or the day after that might be the day. You want the child to know that you will keep trying time after time and that it’s perfectly okay not to tackle the most anxiety-provoking situation today. My favorite thing to say to kids is “No big deal! There’s always another chance tomorrow or the next day.” This conveys to the child that I will not give up on him or her, that I am not disappointed in the child, and that I’m going to be there on whatever day is the day when the child faces that fear. Your child may fail at something a hundred times before succeeding at it. You want your child to know that you’ll be there for each failure and the ultimate success.
9. Empathy goes a long way.
You may not share your child’s fears but they are very real to your child and should not be minimized. You also likely have fears that are not shared by others. For some people, the idea of jumping out of a plane is terrifying. For other people, it is an enjoyable activity. If you minimize the child’s fears and say things like “Don’t be such a baby,” that is not helping the child. It is mocking the child for his/her fears and ultimately the child will not want to confide in you about his/her fears if he/she is mocked. Instead, calmly say things like “I understand that you are scared. That’s okay. I get scared of stuff sometimes too. What’s important is not to let being scared guide your life or limit what things you can do.” Simply validating that your child is afraid can help your child to feel less alone in the experience.
10. Seek help from a professional if you need it.
If your child’s fears are guiding his/her life or interfering in your child’s ability to do things that he/she wants to do, find a therapist who specializes in anxiety and who does cognitive-behavioral therapy. This type of therapy helps children to face their fears in a gradual manner and teaches ways to manage anxiety.