Catching a glimpse of children happily engaged in pretend play is like witnessing pure magic. Ever wonder how closely you should monitor kindness and safety during group play experiences? Do you find yourself hovering or unintentionally interrupting play? Though parents and caregivers should certainly check in from time to time, it’s important for children to have enough physical space to connect, create, and resolve conflicts on their own.
Here are a few ways we can support group play without getting in the way:
Make a Play Plan
If the children are having a hard time agreeing on specific pretend play roles or scenarios, sit with them for a brief planning session. Begin by acknowledging that the children have different ideas about what or how to play. “Max was trying to tell us who he wants to be in the family. Let’s listen to his ideas without interrupting him. Then it will be your turn to talk.” Once you’ve confirmed that everyone has a clear understanding of their roles and the scenario, take a step back and observe for a bit.
Let Them Problem Solve
Give the group a few minutes to sort through any challenges that arise before stepping in to help. It can feel uncomfortable to hear them struggle, but it’s so good for them to try to figure this stuff out on their own! If you feel like the group truly needs some adult support, encourage the children to speak directly to one another, rather than speaking for them. “It sounds like Sarah wants to cook this pretend pizza on her own. Sarah, you can tell Owen, ‘You can have a turn with this oven when I’m finished.’” After stepping in, reflect on the problem solving process by asking yourself, “As a parent, could I have said or done less?” “Could they have said or done more?”
Take Some Time for Yourself
Make yourself busy in a nearby room and check in periodically. No need to interrupt or ask what they’re up to! Simply peeking or listening in from the hallway (or a separate area of your outdoor space) will give you a sense of their play. Take this time for yourself- for either work or play of your own. Whether you answer a few emails or spend a few minutes doing something you love, this is an opportunity for your children to see you meeting your own needs.
Communication
Different methods of communication will benefit different play situations.
- Teach children appropriate ways of getting people’s attention: “When you want Nikko’s attention, say ‘Nikko,’ gently tap his shoulder, then wait for him to look at you.”
- Help children tell each other directly what they want or need: “Tell Sharon, ‘I want to pretend the that the baby is sick and needs to go to the doctor.’”
- Show them how to join a play group – asking to play is not always the best strategy! Socially competent children often watch the children playing then find a way to ease into the ongoing play. “Look! They are building a road with the blocks. Would you like to put some of these signs next to the roads?”
Cooperation
Explain what cooperation looks like in different play situations:
- Sharing: “Hold the book so Tim can see the pages.” “Roll the ball to Rachel, then she can roll it to you.”
- Taking turns: Help kids negotiate who goes first and the time for each turn.
- Compromising: Give children ideas about how each can get a little of what they want.
Problem-Solving
When children play together, conflicts are inevitable. Help kids learn to solve problems collaboratively by teaching them steps to negotiate:
- State the problem – everyone gets a say.
- Brainstorm on solutions – again, everyone contributes.
- Choose the solution that everyone agrees on.
- Implement the solution – decide on the logistics (length of turns, who goes first, etc.)
- Evaluate the solution – how is it working?
Perspective-Taking
We can help children understand the perspective of others by pointing out:
- How others feel: “Her face is saying ‘I’m sad.’”
- How your child’s behavior affects others: “When you insist on having your way, friends may not want to play with you.”
- How other children might see things differently: “John may not like to be pulled that fast in the wagon.”
With your support and many opportunities for social play, your children will develop the social skills they need to get along with others throughout their lives. And they will have had lots of fun, too!